Before you start to contemplate how to get back your ex you should undertake a good isolated session of soul searching. So go to your favourite place and devote your thoughts. Your favourite place may be somewhere you both shared happy memories as this will set the scene for positive thoughts. Going back to a place of discord to revisit what you perceive as the problem will not work. During this session you should be brutally honest on the consequences of your actions and therefore what will happen when you get your ex back. It may be difficult to balance the bad times against the good times, the memories of which will always prevail, it is just human nature.
One important consideration should be if getting your ex back will just lead down the same sorry path of arguments. If getting back with your ex wife, ex husband or unmarried ex partner just rolls on with arguments and feelings of hostility this will be a wasted exercise. Maybe you are considering a change of status such as a wedding to put things right. Unfortunately there is not often a major change of behaviour after the wedding, the signs are always there. A major change of status may just delay the inevitable outcome.
There are many ways to get your ex back and you should consider the ways that will put you at an immediate disadvantage. So don’t plead with them to take you back. You may feel that you were the partner who wronged the other but on reflection and a good balanced view of the situation you will often find it was the other way round. The mind is very fertile in filling in the gaps of a situation and a small wrong that caused no problems can easily be transmuted into a major problem in the undoing of the relationship. This is a proven aspect of the mind and can often be seen in witness statements taken during an investigation, criminal or civil. All sorts of information is forthcoming from willing witness that never existed. In the case of an investigation this may be disproved by comparison of statements, in your case there is no comparison available. You will have placed yourself at an immediate disadvantage by begging or pleading to be taken back.
If you constantly try to contact your ex and it is obvious that they are not willingly returning your phone calls, text messages and your thoughts are consumed by the thought that I must get back with my ex at all costs, then you are doing much more harm than good to the situation. Your ex partner will see this as a definite indication of your desperation and you will lose control as they now have the upper hand. Unrealistic promises of how you will change should they concede just one small point will further weaken your position.
One interesting aspect of negotiations is to recognise the gender and status of your ex partner. Depending if your partner is a girlfriend ex; boyfriend ex; wife ex or husband ex you may need to tailor the way you approach the reconciliation. This seems obvious but many advisors will give advice based on the view from an ex boyfriend or husband, and another, the view from an ex girlfriend or wife. The writer of an article has probably given little thought to this aspect so what worked for them may not work in an opposite gender or status situation, leaving you dismissive of advice that could easily be your saviour. Be assured there are differences in the way you need to approach the situation depending if the other party is male or female. So by all means gather advice before setting out on the path to fulfilment but bear in mind you may need to change based on the gender and prior knowledge of the workings of the other parties mind. If this all seems a bit out of your control then you should be guided by your intuition as you know that person.
Don’t use the getting my ex back scenario to get back at your ex partner should the situation twist out of your control, just back off and reconsider. You probably have not lost at this point.
As you back off to give them some time just go on living your life. You will be doing yourself the biggest big favor ever. Although you may not see it this way you will be probably become more desirable to your ex, because you are giving them time to reflect and think about you and miss you. An object out of reach tends to becomes more desirable. You will also be helping yourself to live a happier, more fulfilling life by removing the stress of the chase. It is a proven fact that break-ups can lead to a decline in the health, if not kept in check.
If you get it in your head that the relationship is currently over you have placed an indelible marker on the situation and your mind will unconsciously work towards closing the relationship down. The relationship is just going through a very recoverable phase; it is not finished even temporarily. You can’t go back in time to right the wrong that you may perceive caused the problem. Nor can you travel to the future to be guided by the outcome and plan your strategies, though you may dearly wish you could. Concentrate on what is happening now and plan your next step based on that.
There are a small number relationships that are not worthy of the effort of saving. If you and your ex spent excessive time arguing, resenting each others motives or actions than you did enjoying something worthwhile together, then perhaps you should consider letting the relationship wither but remain on good terms. After all why make an enemy and prejudice the future. There are many stories of people getting back together years alter after some change in their circumstances and view of life. If your ex was physically or verbally abusive and delighted in putting you down at every opportunity, it wasn’t a healthy relationship and may even be a toxic relationship. If the relationship overall was a good one from both sides viewpoint, and abusive behaviour was not a factor, then there should be a good basis for reinstating your relationship.
Jenny Ann Summer has helped many couples through a sticky point in their relationship. You can find more helpful, easy to use information on her blog at http://relationship-healing.blogspot.com
