Get Your Ex Back

“But we can still be friends, right?”

It sounds so good and wholesome when your ex says it.  As if everything’s gonna be alright, despite the fact that you just got dumped.

Reluctantly, you agree.  Right now, any future contact with your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend sounds good.  After all, you don’t want to lose them forever.  And by staying friends, maybe you can work your way back up to being their boyfriend or girlfriend again.  By staying in close proximity to your ex, they’ll eventually see how much they love you and ask you to come back.  Being friends with your ex sounds like a direct shortcut through all this breakup nonsense and straight back to reconciliation.  Right?

Well… if only it were that easy.

The bad news is you just got dumped.  Your ex might’ve been letting you down gently by offering to stay friendly after the breakup.  More likely however, your ex wants to be friends because they still want to leave the door to the relationship slightly open – and this is a good sign.

Understand that just as breaking up is very hard on you, it’s also going to be hard on your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Even though they ended things, your ex still has feelings and emotions that make them very attached to you.  Making the decision to break things off doesn’t mean those feelings just disappear into thin air, but it does mean that your ex probably put those emotions aside in an attempt to move on without you.  In that respect, your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend has a slight head start.

Wanting to be friends however, allows your ex to let go of you very gradually.  Instead of losing you all at once, your ex puts him or herself into the very comfortable position of walking away… little by little… while still knowing where you are, what you’re doing, and most important of all: how much you’re still sweating them.  It’s comforting for your ex to realize they can have you back at a moment’s notice.  It’s easy for your ex to break up with you knowing that, as his or her new friend, you’re always going to be in plain sight.

This is why, right after your ex dumps you, you’ll need to refuse to be friends with them.  And not only that, but you have to walk coolly away from the relationship as if you really don’t care anymore.

“Sorry, I can’t be friends with you.  I love you as a girlfriend (or boyfriend), and that’s not going to change.  I can’t pretend to not have those feelings for you, while hanging around as your buddy.  Good luck with everything, but I’ve got to go my own way.”

Imagine saying those words to your ex – whether you’ve already agreed to be their friend or not.  Visualize it.  Put the whole scene in your head, and run through it a few times.  What do you think your ex will say?  Even better, what do you think they’ll feel?

Your ex wanted to be friends with you for a very simple reason – they weren’t completely over the relationship just yet.  By doing things this way, you’ve essentially just broken things off yourself.  You’re walking away and going on with your own life, while leaving your ex in the dust.  You’ve rejected them.

This is an amazing way of getting back on your ex’s mind, and to make them question the break up.  Your boyfriend or girlfriend’s head will be spinning when you tell them exactly why you can’t be friends with them.  As they struggle to come up with reasons you should keep in touch, you’re suddenly not answering your phone… or your email… or your text-messages.  Now imagine your ex getting suddenly desperate to be back in touch with you, after not having heard from you for a couple of days.

When it comes to getting your ex back, you just can’t do it from a position of friendship.  You can’t just wing it either – you need a step-by-step blueprint for success.  Knowing what to say, how to say it, and exactly when you should be approaching your ex boyfriend or girlfriend can mean the difference between putting them back in your arms or losing them for good.  Learning just the right methods and techniques for winning your ex back will almost always result in reconciliation, even when your ex just wants to be friends with you.

“But hey… we can still be friends!”

Sounds so sweet, doesn’t it?  In a world filled with puppy dogs and whipped cream, being friends with an ex seems like such a fantastic way to end things.  After all, no one gets to miss each other.  You and your now ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend can talk, email, text, and even physically see each other after the break.  In some cases, you can get together and hang out.  And in the “friends with benefits” scenario?  The perks get even better.  It seems as if there’s no limit to the good things that come from remaining friendly with your ex.

But hey, is such a scenario realistic?  Or am I throwing sugar over something far too bitter to swallow?

Idealistically, staying friends with your ex is a great way of keeping someone in your life who you still value very much.  It’s also a nice way to soften the blow of breaking up; even though you’re no longer dating, you still don’t have to cut that person from your life.  This is why so many people seek to remain friendly with an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend – losing them is made so much less painful when you know you can still see and talk to them on a daily basis.

Realistically speaking however, these are the same reasons why such a friendship never works out.  Because you’re still a part of your ex’s life, you’re forced to watch their daily routine.  For example, what happens when your ex begins dating someone else?  Can you be happy for them, or will you be jealous?  In many cases, a person will remain friends with their ex for the wrong reasons: because they want that person back.  If you’re looking to get back together with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, can you watch them run off and start seeing other people?

Imagine your ex kissing his or her new lover… and having to watch from a front row seat.  That’s what you get when you stay friends with an ex: a play-by-play, blow-by-blow visualization of your ex’s new romance.  He or she will call you up, very excited, telling you all about the new person they’re dating.  And as a good “friend”, you now have to feign happiness and wish them luck… all the while inwardly hoping that their new relationship will fail miserably.

There are winners and losers in every break up.  If you were on the receiving end of things, chances are good that you stayed friendly with an exboyfriend or exgirlfriend in order to soften the blow of losing them… and more probably, to also get them back again.  But you know what?  Being friends after a break up actually provides the opposite effect: the longer you let yourself be cast as your ex’s “buddy”, the further and further removed you’ll be from them seeing you with a romantic eye.  The longer you’re friends, the more permanent that friendship becomes.

And hey, what happens when your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend no longer wants them hanging out with you?  After all, would you want your partner still seeing, talking to, and possibly even hanging out with a person they once dated and slept with?  Not likely.  Which is why any friendship you develop with your ex is doomed from the very beginning: people on the outside will always be looking to tear it down.

Instead of being friends with an ex when you’re still in love with them, why not actually make moves toward getting them back?  The transition from being a “friend” back to being a boyfriend or girlfriend again is difficult, but there are techniques you can use to help speed it along.  By learning which methods are best for winning your ex over, you can rekindle the emotional bonds they had to you back when you first started dating.  By touching on and drawing out your ex’s inner feelings for you, you’ll place yourself back into a romantic position once more.

Never try to substitute friendship for a real relationship.  If you want your ex back, go get them!  Stop pretending to be friends when you really still love this person.