Breaking up… it’s the type of thing that’s both a blessing and a curse. While it gives you the opportunity for a fresh start, you’re also losing someone you were once very close with. In many cases, men and women will try to remain friends with their ex boyfriend or girlfriend even after splitting up. And in today’s world of instant electronic communication? It’s actually harder to NOT stay in touch.
But how many couples do you know that have managed to stay friends after dating? And more importantly, how long did that friendship last?
The problem with staying friendly with a person you once dated is that such a relationship degenerates rather quickly. Feelings of jealousy and rejection can erode away your friendship from the inside, while new people will attack it from other directions. Some common examples of the pitfalls of being friends with an ex are listed below:
You Still Love Your Ex
In this, the most common of all scenarios, you weren’t ready to end your relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Instead, your ex broke up with you. Not only were you hurt and crushed, but you wanted your ex back. And in trying to get this person to give your romance a second shot, you agreed to be “just friends” with them… a seriously bad move, if you ever want to kiss your ex again, anywhere other than on their cheek.
Your Ex Still Loves You
When you dump someone and they still want to be friends? It’s because they’re still hoping to get you back. No amount of them telling you they just “love being around you” should convince you otherwise. Any time an ex is still hanging around after a break up, he or she is trying to make a romantic impression on you… or they’re waiting to see if you change your mind.
You Start Dating Again
Let’s say you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Now what happens to the friendship you developed with your ex? Do you continue to talk, email, and perhaps even see each other despite the fact that you’re dating someone else? If so, is that fair to this new person? Or will you start to see your ex less and less (and your new lover more and more) until you drift completely apart? The honest answer is pretty obvious, here.
Your Ex Starts Seeing Someone Else
The opposite of the above scenario, once your ex has a new boyfriend or girlfriend how long do you think you’ll still be hanging out with them? Will they tell their new lover about you, an “ex” that they once dated? If so, do you think this person’s new love interest is going to want them around you very much? Probably not. Shrugging helplessly, your ex will ditch you at every turn, causing anomosity between you and jealousy on your part.
You Want Your Ex Back Again
Can you get your ex back if you’re now nothing more than friends? Not very likely. Being friends with an ex is like surrendering to being demoted: you can no longer flirt with them, ask them out, or do anything with any kind of romantic overtones. You’re relegated to staying in that very awkward position of still wanting someone, but being forced to watch them live out their life without you in it. And once your ex begins dating again? You’re going to feel sick to your stomach as you watch them kiss their new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Stop for a minute, and be honest. Are you just being your ex’s friend because you want them back? If so, you’re walking down the wrong path. The road to reconciliation is long and winding, but it does NOT lead through friendship. In fact, it leads in the exact opposite direction – and that’s your only hope of winning back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who wants to be friends with you.
There are 8 Individual Steps that will Get Back Your Ex Girlfriend… or in the case of an ex boyfriend, Winning Your Boyfriend Back. Don’t settle for being friends with an ex when what you really want is a long-term, lasting relationship together.
